Submitted by David Gonzalez on Sat, 09/24/2011 - 06:28
Fear is a survival mechanism designed to protect us. It lets us know that danger is nearby and that we need to do something about it. For example, if you see a cheetah, then two things are going to happen: either you are going to stay and fight (not recommended) or you are going to run from it. This is our “fight or flight” kicking in. Considering that a situation was a REAL threat, this would serve us well.
You see, dating doesn’t present any immediate danger but so many people still fear it. More specifically, they “feel” as though they are in a threatening situation when, in reality, they are perfectly safe. Looking at it from a logical viewpoint, it sounds silly. However, fear is probably the number one reason why men and women don’t approach each other in the first place.
If you compare the sexes, men experience “approach anxiety” far more often than women do. This is mainly because women don’t need to approach -- guys do it for them (at least the confident ones do, or perhaps the reluctant guy who simply swallows his fear for a moment, and just goes for it).
Men on the other hand have pre-historically been hardwired to make the first move. He is the one who leads the interaction. This is the way it has worked for thousands of years and if he doesn’t do it, she definitely (or usually) won’t.
What Woman Look For in a Guy
Women are not rough and tough like men. From a biological stand-point, their only job is to replicate (make babies). His duty is to help her survive long enough so that she can do that. This is why women search for guys who have a high “survival” value (security, money, etc); because they know that it will ensure their well-being. When a guy is too afraid to approach, it tells her one thing: “He can’t protect me. He doesn’t even have the courage to approach me”.
Getting Over “Approach Anxiety”
These tips are ultimately for males (women, you can feel free to use them too). The reason behind this is because men have to open the conversation 99% of the time -- and if they are too afraid to approach, it’s likely that nothing is going to happen. So, let’s get started.
- Say something right away: As a general rule, don’t wait longer than three seconds to say hi to a woman. If you wait longer, two things are going to happen. First, you are going to make yourself even more nervous and simply make the situation worse. Secondly, she is going to notice (and trust me, they do notice), and automatically assume that you didn’t have the courage to say something when you first saw her.
- Talk to everybody: Be a social robot. Don’t stalk the venue like a hunter following its prey. That’s creepy and people won’t like it. Make conversation with anybody you see (not just women). This will get you in a talkative mood and make you more likely to approach when you do see somebody that you like.
- Practice makes perfect: The only way to get better at anything is by practicing. You may get shot down on your fist approach -- that’s okay. As you approach more and more women, your fear will naturally decrease and you’ll find yourself more confident around them.
It is okay to feel afraid when approaching the opposite sex. Almost everybody feels a little nervous when meeting somebody new. However, the difference between those who get dates and the ones who don’t is that they feel the fear and do it anyway. That is what you need to train yourself to do as well.
Finally, free yourself from the destructive habit that many have, of looking back at your “mistakes”, and beating yourself up because you may have failed that day. Don’t look back, or you’ll put yourself into a mental prison – instead, train yourself to look forward to the next day, and the next opportunity you’ll have with the next woman that comes onto your radar. Look at it as though you’re simply training to get better at it. You eventually will. Your future wife will thank you.