Dating: What Is Today's Man To Do? Be Strong? Sensitive? Or Be “Emo”?

Men today have a lot to contend with when it comes to dating and relationships.  We no longer live in the time of Don Draper, when men had clearly defined “masculine” roles that were wholly different from their female counterparts.  We now live in the era of “post feminism,” where gender roles have changed quite drastically. And though it’s led to more women in the workforce, attending college, and leading board rooms across industries, men of all backgrounds don’t know exactly how they should act when dating a woman of today.

And it doesn’t just stop there, even modern day women are just as confused as ever with finding the “perfect” mate. So the question today is: what should women expect out of a man in a relationship? For example, does a man pay on the first date? Does a man open the door and wait until his date enters the car? Is chivalry in the name of equality, dead? And, is this the way we want our future of dating to be?

To complicate matters further, since we are in this period of transition, many men and women are unsure of their expectations on a date-by-date basis. This leads to a “hit or miss” concept of dating where opening the door for one woman is acceptable and for another it’s a cardinal sin.

So, what’s a modern man to do?

As in previous generations, the “ideal” man has been showcased up on the silver screen – James Bond, James Dean, Harrison Ford, and Brad Pitt. All handsome, independent, and with no sense of real emotional attachment. Generations of men have modeled them. Attractive, yes, but is this type of man changing? Could women really want a mix of the two – a twist of independence but emotional attachment? A quasi-man of yesterday, just a bit more feminine?

In reality, the answer is that women are generally looking for a man who is a little bit of everything - strong, sensitive, and even “emo”. Yes, “Emo” or the “emotional” and well, sensitive type. The type is not too far off from previous generations. Think singer James Taylor with dyed black hair, tats, and piercings. Emotional but Goth.

In any case, though, there is a biological yearning within most heterosexual women to be with a man who is strong, this doesn’t mean that the man has to be some sort of primordial weightlifter, capable of lifting them up single-handed and carrying them back to his cave.  Women have always been attracted to strength and status. Yet, today, in an information age, all Braun and no brain doesn’t it cut it either.

So, if you are wondering what to do, realize that if you find a balance, you will do just fine. Brains and strength – with brains leading the way.

Emotional strength, strength of character, and will power are all ways of being strong that women find attractive. Sticking to your guns, disagreeing if you mean it, and being decisive are all very important.

Additionally, being strong does not mean refusing to cry or love, or other such nonsense that some men get caught up in. No doubt, in addition to being strong, women like a man who is sensitive.  But, but remember, it is possible to be sensitive to a fault. 

A man of today needs to do a high-wire balancing act.                                                               

Women want a man who will commiserate with them on tragic events and cute cartoons.  They want someone who smiles and comments on babies, kittens, and Hallmark commercials.  Additionally, women feel comfortable with a man who can cry when it is appropriate to cry. 

However, men who are so sensitive that every single thing affects them deeply and traumatically, those who cry at the drop of a hat, and those who have a victim mentality appear weak to most women. And weak is not where you want to be with most women.  It can be exhausting for a woman, or anyone else, to keep up with such drastic and irrational behavior that many “Emo” types display.

The trend for women to be attracted to “emo,” or emotional men, can be hard for most men to swallow. Yet, it may work for some ladies, but it doesn’t work for men trying to figure out the pecking order among men. Some young women are quite attracted to the “emo” stereotype.  It’s just not in our DNA. Yet, adaptation is the name of the game here. If you don’t adapt, it’s hard to find a mate.

So as with all things, just be yourself. Women, just like men, have a variety of different interests.  We all have our preferences when it comes to looks, personality, lifestyle, etc.  But in the end, what most women are looking for is a man who just has the right mix of strength, sensitivity, and emotion.  The perfect man, for most women of traditional dating age, is one that can be all of these things without being too much or too little of any.

Still confused? Thought so. Welcome to dating in the modern times.