Courting is such an old-fashioned word isn’t it? I remember my dad used to always start stories with, “when me and your mother were courting…”
It conjured up war-time images of military men writing love notes to their gentle ladies, and ‘courting’ them for years before marrying and spending their lives devoted to one another. It seemed like something that only existed in the movies.
But, the proof of its effect on long-lasting relationships is obvious. My parents have been happily married now for 55 years.
This made me re-think my views on the courting game. Perhaps it wasn’t such a bad idea after all?
So what is courting and why is it important?
Think of it like a house. You don’t just stack the bricks up and, hey-presto, you got yourself a house.
No, it takes planning. You have to put in the groundwork and build upward from there. A house requires solid foundations, it needs space and time to grow and transform into something beautiful.
Courting is a little like this, which is why courting is essential to building strong, fulfilling and longer-lasting relationships.
For when you’re courting, you are getting to know the girl properly. Just like building that house, you take your first steps slowly, you look at the quality of the soil that you will be building upon and the overall vibe of the area you are building in. You ask regularly, is this what I want? Is this satisfying? Will this make me happy?
Courting translates to the art of sharing. It is all about getting to know someone really well and learning to share experiences, stories and each other’s lives in a sense.
Courting offers you a rewarding gift of opening up to another human being and pleasing another based on what you know they like.
It removes selfishness and egotism apparent in most regular dating situations where a the girl and the guy just want to talk about themselves, go where they want to go and play games.
Courting helps you learn to put another first and will make you adapt to being part of a wider, more nurturing unit.
Sexually, you learn to take pleasure in pleasuring another. Suddenly, it’s not about you. You develop ways to care for her, each day building your knowledge of her likes and dislikes further.
I believe courting is the way to land a decent girl, and yes it takes time and patience.
Yes, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. And you might meet someone for the first time who ticks all the boxes at first sight. But after only a few hours at the dinner table, how can you really tell what kind of person she is?
Courting a girl let’s you know which ones are really worth the princess treatment after a little time.
I think it is an integral part of a successful relationship. And after all, what’s the rush?
We’ve established that solid foundations are needed. The real building starts from there. And to lay such foundations, time is of the essence. Take it slow is key.
Both chemistry and desire take a little while to develop into true love. Selfish, shallow love can come over night. I know, I have been there.
But I believe you only really love someone when you know what they’re all about, from within, right?
Flamboyant token gestures and lavish gifts are for the insecure; the people who want to go this route rush to get to that "into love" feeling and then struggle to stay there.
And in our crazily fast-paced society – where everything is in abundance, on-demand and we wanted everything yesterday – who can blame them for having this perception?
Getting to pleasure as quickly as possible is what our society has become accustomed to. But trust me, if you want a love that will continue to develop and grow, take a leaf out of your folks’ book. Take a time-travel back to the old days where people relaxed into love.
If you feel it’s time you took the long road and the path to something with more substance, take some tips in courting a lady without rush. You might just be rewarded with something pretty special.
Finally, look for women where you're more likely to meet women who value this approach, who perhaps were raised with the value of not rushing things, such as the "easy lay". Some women think that a way to a man's heart is by having sex: thus, the "easy lay" Other women know better. When a guy gets a girl too easy (unless she's a bombshell) he typically just starts looking for the next one he can bag. So, where do you find women who value things like courting and taking the time to build a relationship? Most likely not in bars and nightclubs. She's the girl that calls you back, when you approach her in a super market, or after church services, or in between classes at school, and ask for her phone number.
A great way to meet your future wife is to start going out of your comfort zone, and start going up to girls in public places, talking briefly, and then asking for their number. Even if ten of them never call you back, eventually you are going to get one woman with the right values at heart. She's going to call you back. She's going to want to go out. What if you keep striking out? Then it's time to take an honest look at yourself. Is there anything you can improve on? If those "improvements" have already been made, perhaps you've set a bar that's just a little too high for someone of your stature to hit (just being honest).
If you're only five foot five inches tall and rate about a 5 on the looks scale, stop going after women that are five foot nine inches tall and rate a 8 or 9. You may need to let go of those supermodel dreams, and find other things to value in a woman. Such as her positive energy, compassion for others, and / or love for the outdoors.