More often than not, it is easier to point out the flaws in the ones we love. It is easier to throw a nasty look than a loving glance, or to put them down instead of building them up because we assume that because they love us they will always be there for us. However, a person and a relationship can only take so much negative energy before it withers away and dies.
Distrust or Jealousy
Four common relationship killers are distrust and jealousy, pride and conceit, taking your partner for granted, and lack of understanding. Distrust and jealousy are the downfall for most relationships. Regardless of who the jealous or distrusting partner is, it can most commonly be attributed to one or the others’ (sometimes both parties) low self-esteem. Perhaps you or your partner cannot get over the fact that you did things for your ex that you do not do for them, and they feel inadequate because the other person was important enough to get your attention. Either that or one spouse has been behaving in a shady manner causing the other to become worried, or to doubt the relationship. Where there was once communication, she or he has started to hide their phone, stays late at work on a regular basis, or has been charging things to the credit card or bank account without the knowledge of the other.
Pride or Conceit
Pride or conceit can also destroy a relationship. Often times men are the major bread winner in a relationship, and conflict can arise if a man loses his job or their partner makes more money than they do. Although it is merely society’s view of how a relationship or household should be conducted, it can work in reverse as well. Another cause for the dismantling of your relationship may be one person feeling as though they are always right, and their unwillingness to compromise.
Taking advantage of your significant other
Regardless of how much you love your spouse, or how much you feel/think they love you, it is in no way right to take advantage of them. Do not take advantage of their feelings, or what you may deem a flaw in their personality. Embrace the fact that your partner loves you and would do anything for you. Do not take for granted that your other half trusts you enough to believe that you are working late, when in actuality you are out having a cocktail with your secretary. Do not take advantage of your equal’s money by spending it frivolously. Yes, your partner is obviously willing to do anything to make you happy, but what about their happiness too? Instead of buying that overpriced jewelry or clothing, invest in a trip, car, furniture, etc that the two of you can enjoy together.
Understanding your partner and adjusting your attitude
Finally, the need to understand your other half is vital to making your relationship work. Your spouse walks in the door, slams the door shut behind them, and throws their brief case on the floor, do not take offense. Your significant other most likely is not upset with you. Depending on how your spouse prefers to vent, ask them if they would like to talk about their day, or just give them space until they are ready to discuss it with you. Open communication and compromise are vital to making a relationship work. Putting these two components into action is made simpler when both parties recognize that relationships are two-sided.
The late, William James, a philosopher and leader of the psychological movement Pragmatism said it best, “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor than can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.”